


Choices

by Hissyfitlinda



Category: New Amsterdam
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:30:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hissyfitlinda/pseuds/Hissyfitlinda
Summary: Helen has an offer she shouldn’t refuse
Kudos: 1





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> My first and almost certainly my last fan fiction. I don’t own the characters obviously, merely love them.

Helen had read the same paragraph in the patient’s notes three times.  
She could not concentrate. Her shift had not started well and even now promised to disintegrate further. The small successes she experienced earlier that day were wiped out by the reappearance of familiar faces. Patients she had hoped not to see again. It was never easy giving bad news particularly when previously there had been hope.  
She also had her own battles – the increased frustration she felt since her demotion and the animosity which had developed between her and Dr Castro. They were barely on speaking terms even though Helen was trying her hardest to ‘suck it up’ . It wasn’t just the damage to her pride and her reputation that irked her – it was the increasing isolation her position placed her in. Every decision was questioned every authorisation had to be counter checked - her relationship with the woman who was now her boss had become increasingly untenable.   
She even felt distanced from Max – less casual conversation, less banter no longer finishing each others sentences or sharing secrets. The intimacy of their friendship was gradually dissolving. What was their relationship now? -no longer his doctor since his cancer was now well into remission. No longer his fixer – even the other doctors had realised she no longer had his ear. Was he even her friend? That too seemed in doubt at times. Those days when he would confide in her, would ask her opinion or share stories about Luna- there was now another taking her place for that too. 

A knock at the door broke her train of thought. Max’s slow smile made her push her anxieties to one side. He loitered in the doorway, reluctant to enter her territory as if he wanted to deliver a message and then make a quick getaway. She went back to reading her report.

In one breath he started -“Can’t stop -have a meeting in five but need a favour!”  
Helen did not looked up but continued to stare at her paperwork. She wanted to say she was all out of favours. She wanted to remind him that favours needed to be returned once in a while.   
One day.

“Anything Max, you know that” she sighed.  
He seemed relieved as he leaned against the door frame. There was a straining of their relationship since her arrest. They were both trying to avoid acknowledging it but it was lurking in the background every time they met.  
“You will thank me I promise . A fellow countryman of yours – over for a couple of weeks - spending time shadowing me meeting the board, exchanging ideas, hands across the water etc etc. I was hoping you would maybe help extend that hand of friendship too. You know things in common, talking points… anyhoo what de ya know his first day here and I am tied up for this evening so ….. fancy babysitting a fellow Brit?”  
Her head remained down but then she lifted her eyes. She did not smile.  
“Are you joking??”  
“Massive favour I know -thing is.. “ and that look of innocence he used so well to his advantage slowly crept over his face “ He knows you . He asked specifically if you were going to be available”  
“Knows me? Max lots of people know me – I was Dr Helen in a previous more feted existence…remember??”  
‘Change the subject Max’ he thought realising he may have touched a nerve and strayed into dodgy territory.  
“Well more specifically you were junior house doctors together at St Martins. Spoke very highly of you. Adoringly I would say” He winked at her.  
Helen’s head jerked up her mouth dropped open.  
“Not Simon!???!” She pushed back her chair and stood up abruptly.  
Max was taken aback by her response  
“Well that struck a chord -the very same. Listen I gotta go. I will send him through at the end of your shift.?. Great stuff” he muttered  
“Max I haven’t said..” He was gone before she had finished.  
Helen sat back in her chair almost in shock.  
“Simon Longford. Blimey” A faint smile crept across Helen’s lips. That was a blast from the past. Cool blonde gorgeous Simon. 

A problem solved should have brought him more satisfaction. Instead as he rushed away Max felt a growing sense of displeasure. Alice had not been happy to cancel dinner again and she used the girls to guilt him out when he had suggested it. He wasn’t going to inflict chicken nuggets and tater tots on Simon Longford. Christ, he could barely stomach them himself. When the tall good looking Englishman had asked about Helen he saw it as an opportunity to extricate himself from another awkward domestic confrontation.  
Thinking about it, Max had detected a little too much enthusiasm on Simon’s part when Helen’s name came up. His questions were very direct. . What was she doing nowadays? Was she married? Was she seeing someone?   
Max had been surprised, of course, and then unsure as to how much he should reveal to this man. How much Helen would want him to reveal. Something else too, he didn’t want to admit it, but he didn’t want Helen to have had the level of friendship that they had once shared, with another person.   
A moment of regret swept over him. He knew that he and Helen had begun to grow apart and that was even before he had formed a relationship with Alice. Alice was so good with Luna and their whole relationship worked really well with the kids and everything, but honestly, did it work for him?   
He had already begun to realise that something was missing. That there was some hole that he sensed could not be filled. From the first night Alice had stayed over he had a feeling that this was taking him in the wrong direction and leading him away from where he needed to be.  
That intimacy that he and Helen had shared was faltering. He spent less time in her company because of her demotion and socially Luna and Alice kept him pretty occupied. – what they had was all but gone and the Gods honest truth was he wanted it back.   
Dr Reynolds interrupted his thoughts.   
“ Hey man, you look pissed….” He joined Max and they strode towards the boardroom.  
“Budget meeting -my favourite” and with that he disappeared through the swing doors.

Every one fancied Simon Longford at St Martin’s but he had always had his eye on Helen. He had his pick of the nurses and junior doctors but he would hang around at the end of his day to catch five minutes with her before she had started her shift.   
He would turn up at the library when he knew she was studying and he would join her on her early morning jogs even when he would rather have been sleeping off his frequent hangovers. When it became clear that she was not interested he turned his attention to hard study and loose women, the former rocketed his career to an early consultancy and the latter helping him forget the only girl he really wanted but could never have.   
When his clinical directorship meant participating in a fact find at New Amsterdam he wondered if he would see Helen again. It had been over ten years but he had followed her career, watched her on television read all her publications. He was proud to know her.. Still so beautiful, still so unobtainable. When he had asked Max if she was married he thought he had detected a slight tension in Max’s reply . He hoped it was professional concern for a colleague . He was right to be concerned. Simon was nothing if not ambitious and not just for himself. His trip to the States could prove very fruitful for his professional future. If it fulfilled some of his youthful fantasies as well then so be it. He had always wanted Helen. Now the opportunity may have presented itself.  
As arranged, at the end of the afternoon Simon appeared at the door of the office that Helen now shared with the other doctors. She had already gathered her papers, packed her briefcase and was putting on her coat to leave. Simon and Helen smiled and gazed at each other appreciatively.  
Simon seemed transfixed.  
“You are more beautiful than ever” he said finally  
“You haven’t changed Simon. Good looks and smooth talk were always your trademark. ” Helen observed.”come here, give me a hug!” She gripped him firmly and drew his body into hers.  
She hadn’t noticed Max lurking in the background. Long lost friends.He felt like an interloper and wanted to leave. With a small wave of acknowledgement he turned and headed out of the department.   
Helen and Simon stared at each other, and then Helen let out a small chuckle.  
“ This is a bit last minute Simon so I am not sure if there is anything you are keen to do. If not, I thought we could do take out if that’s ok with you My apartment isn’t far. We could pick up some wine on the way”  
“I am in your hands” he replied and she ushered him out of the door. “You wish” she thought.

Chapter Two  
“Vegetarian??” Helen mocked “You use to live off burgers and kebabs!”  
She unpacked the cartons of Chinese food and placed the bottle of Sauvignon Blanc in the chiller.  
“What can I say, I am a changed man” Simon teased and raised an eyebrow. He looked around Helen’s apartment. Very Helen Sharpe he observed.   
“ Really? “ Helen scoffed “That must have upset the womenfolk of West London”  
Simon laughed  
“You will find I am more discerning these days”   
Helen dished up the food “ Glad to hear it because I always thought you were a bit of a slag”  
Simon baulked “Really Dr Sharpe?! I like to think I was in my experimental stage. Besides which had the girl of my dreams ever given me so much as a second glance I would have curbed my enthusiasm for others of the fairer sex”  
“if you mean me Dr Longford, I was not going to let my career be derailed by the college Lothario”. He didn’t respond and she busied herself plating up the food.  
“Grubs up -grab the wine and fill me in on the gossip!” 

The evening flowed with wine and animated conversation. They reminisced, compared health systems, hot dates, politics and homesickness . Soon the mellowness of the evening the food and the wine led them into a comfortable silence. Simon seemed unable to take his eyes off her.  
Eventually. he spoke.  
“ So Max- good boss?”   
“I would say so yes. He has been through a lot. We all admire him. He has courage. He is brave”  
“Good qualities” agreed Simon. “ I must admit I have spent very little time with him so far but I see the way he..er..can be persuasive with people. He was positively effusive when he spoke of you up to the point when I said I knew you . So socially, do you and he …”

“Simon , Max is a single father with a demanding job I don’t think he has time for a social life. None of us do. But he is a friend -a good friend” she said firmly.

Simon nodded as if he understood that that part of the conversation was shut down. He moved the subject on.  
“So you are not seeing anyone?.” He tried to be matter of fact.  
“No, I was- but life interrupts doesn’t it?”  
“Mmm, sometimes “ he agreed”Do you ever wonder for instance why we never got together. . We could have been a golden couple.I tried to make it obvious how I felt”  
He stretched out, casually dropping his arm on Helen’ shoulder.

She nodded “indeed.. it was very obvious especially when you kept turning up everywhere. The truth is I felt I had more worth. Face it Simon, I must have been the only girl in our med school you hadn’t slept with. “  
He shook his head. “An exaggeration but did it never occur to you they were all Helen substitutes? I could really have fallen for you.” He was smiling but his tone was serious.  
“…and nixed our careers before we had even started?. You were a shining star Simon You never had to work as hard as everyone else. . Studying, exams- I had to slog week in week out. No joke. The last thing either of us needed was a flirtation. I couldn’t afford distractions. Anyway, You would have got bored and moved on.”  
Simon shook his head in denial.  
“No Helen I wouldn’t have. Quite the opposite. Where you were concerned I was deadly serious. Anyway restore my pride… surely you fancied me a little?”   
Helen rolled her eyes and shifted her position on the sofa to avoid further contact.  
“Everyone fancied you Simon!. But you were an immature precocious man child! “ She retorted and continued.  
“You would need to prove to me that you have changed”.  
“ Is that an invitation Dr Sharpe?”  
Helen blushed.   
“Not on your life Dr Longford”  
They both laughed and finally changed the subject.  
The evening wandered down a nostalgic path comparing careers, travels, lovers and eventually it drew to a natural close. Realising this, Simon got up from the sofa and then turned towards Helen. He placed both her hands in his.   
“What would you say if I suggested we have breakfast together?”   
Helens eyes widened “Simon I …”  
“ Don’t misunderstand me, just breakfast. Much as I would love it I realise I’m unlikely to get an invitation to your bed .. Which is a shame although..…”  
Helen stopped him in his tracks.  
“Stop talking, you are digging a hole. Breakfast would be lovely. I will pick you up at your hotel. My treat, I know how cash strapped you NHS types are!” She began to laugh again and she led him towards the door  
He turned and moved closer to her, placing a light kiss on her cheek.  
“Goodnight Helen. You are wrong you know.. it would have been more than a flirtation. For the record….I haven’t given up”  
Helen closed the door behind him as he left.   
Helen felt a little strange. Simon was charming, devilishly handsome and reminiscing about her days in medical college brought back so many emotions. She felt homesick for the first time in a long while…and alone. Perhaps it was the wine or perhaps she realised she desperately needed some light relief after everything that had happened – the accident, the job the whole thing with Max. It had taken its toll . But was Simon Longford the solution?

Max was irritated but he couldn’t put his finger on the reason why. The previous evening had been unsettling- again for no good reason. The kids weren’t misbehaving, Alice had cooked a perfectly adequate if somewhat uninspiring meal and whilst he worked she had busied herself with the children.  
She had brought Bobbie’s night things with her and he had noticed small items of her clothing had been discreetly left in the closet where Georgia’s clothes still hung. It meant she intended to stay over and Max worried that the relationship between them was sliding into a pattern over which he had no control. He wanted what was best for Luna he just wasn’t sure what that was.   
He stood pondering that thought, as he leaned over the balcony of the second floor gallery in the hospital atrium. He had a birds eye view of the huge concourse bustling with human traffic. Technicians doctors nurses coming and going in every direction. Receptionists, patients, anxious relatives all filtering through the doors and dispersing into the various wards and departments. All filled with intent and purpose.   
Max saw Helen and Simon arrive together and watched them cross the atrium floor. He could not take his eyes off them as they walked together, bodies almost touching, leaning towards each other in cosy conversation.   
He stepped back hoping not to be spotted but too late as Helen glanced up and gave him a smile. Max acknowledged her with a brief wave and took the escalator down to meet them.  
‘Max!’ I am delivering this old boy back to you – do your worst with him!’ Helen giggled as she took Simon’s elbow and pushed him forward. She then left the two men and headed towards the Oncology Department. Max picked up the discussions he had started the previous day but before long he casually asked Simon about is evening with Helen.  
‘ So did you have er ..a pleasant time…?”.. it was an attempt at diplomacy. What he really wanted to ask was if this man had spent the night at Helen’s.  
‘ Yes,” Simon confirmed enthusiastically “We went back to Helen’s. I think you could say it was a very successful reacquaintance’ His expression was smug. Max wanted to punch him.  
Confused by his sudden aggression, Max wasn’t sure why the words hurt so much but he could feel them burning into him.  
“Great” he lied “now tonight..” Simon was quick to interrupt.“No problem Max already sorted I am returning Helen’s hospitality… now you were going to show me around the ER?”  
Chapter Three  
Sometime later Max wandered up to Oncology to hunt down Helen. She no longer had her own office but shared with the other cancer doctors in a small cramped room off the main ward. Her desk however was an oasis of neatness amongst the chaos of paperwork. Two other medics were deep in discussion in the corner of the room and Helen was concentrating on her computer screen.

She looked up and gave a Max a lazy smile. “Morning, I would ask you to join us but I think we may be short of seats!”  
It reminded Max yet again of the sacrifices she had made to be a good doctor. Taking the demotion the way she had, working under Castro in what was a fractious relationship and mostly not resenting him for being unable to save her job-it would have crushed most people. She bore it bravely and the reason behind that continued to escape him.

“I understand last night was a success” Max was fishing.  
“ Have you been gossiping? “ she furrowed her brow and he panicked slightly.  
“No, but I gather you are repeating the whole thing again tonight. I was going to take Simon on a bar crawl but he said he would be otherwise engaged. I will rearrange..so er…it was a good night? ”  
She wasn’t going to play this game. She gave nothing away.  
“ Well Max if that is what he said it must have been”.   
Frustrated he responded “Ok but don’t keep him up late because I have him in surgery with Reynolds tomorrow”  
“ Oh, I will make sure he gets to bed early”   
Max didn’t always understand her British sense of humour and assumed she was being ironic but it was not the answer he wanted and a spontaneous and witty reply eluded him. Simon Longford was at New Amsterdam for at least another ten days. He didn’t think he could bear it.  
“Gotta go!”  
A curt smile and a quick nod of acknowledgment and he left.

For the next couple of days Max avoided Helen. It wasn’t easy and a couple of times he had darted into Iggy’s office surprising the psychologist with his sudden unplanned appearances..Iggy had been only too pleased to see him. When he had problems of his own and was not afraid to talk about them. He could sense that Max was hiding out.  
“Hey man, hows it going?” Iggy was always ready to talk.  
“Mostly good” Max wasn’t really in the mood for a therapy session but he was troubled and he knew Iggy knew it.  
“Well anytime you need me,I am always here” and Iggy slapped his friend hard on the back.   
Max paused and closed the door to give them a moment of privacy.  
“One thing..do you think…do you think I take people for granted? “  
Iggy was sympathetic  
“Max you do what you have to do and for the most part it works for you and for all of us. People respond to you . You make them better at medicine and.you empower them and it makes them feel good”.  
“You don’t think I manipulate them?”  
Iggy looked puzzled.  
“ Where is this going Max?”  
Max sighed.   
“I don’t know, I take from people and sometimes I think..well I think I forget that people have their own lives, their own problems”  
Iggy nodded. “Well I don’t agree but you know what? If that is the case, then at this moment in time you get away with it..the clever part is recognising when you don’t”  
Max nodded in agreement. Perhaps he wasn’t clever enough sometimes.

Max had decided he didn’t much care for Simon Longford. For a start he had as much charm and looks as Max had and wherever he went he drew a small crowd of admirers marvelling at his accent and good manners. It was irritating when he overheard the nurses comparing him to a Jane Austen hero.  
He had managed to palm Simon off on various department heads and got on with the daily round of problem solving and crisis management. He hadn’t arranged to see Alice for a day or so and it gave him time alone with Luna. He realised after the first couple of evenings that he barely missed Bobbie’s mom at all and he relished the time he spent bonding with his little girl.   
Much as he enjoyed that time with Luna his mind had become preoccupied with Helen and Simon.   
He knew that they had spent time together over the last couple of evenings and had been spotted arriving together in the mornings. He drew the obvious conclusion. It wasn’t what was supposed to happen.   
Illogically, he almost felt a sense of betrayal. Helen was supposed to be a part of his future, an irreplaceable friend, his crutch. She should not have had time for a life of her own. When she and Panthaki were together he could call on her at the drop of a hat and she would always be there for him. The handsome Indian was no threat to their relationship. Even Georgia knew Helen was indispensable to him. But Simon Longford was another matter. He didn’t know the details of their history but he saw the way Simon looked at Helen. He saw the desire in his eyes and the closeness of their bodies, almost touching, when they walked out of the building together. He couldn’t bear to look at Helen..he did not want to know if the feelings were mutual.   
Max had solutions for most things in life but this was perplexing. He knew he had to get a grip.

Chapter Four

Helen was having a crushing morning. Another clash with Castro, the frustration of sharing a loud and disorganised office and a patient death. She knew she couldn’t save everyone and although inevitable in this case, when it happened it affected her deeply. It hurt not only her professional pride but she felt a personal sense of loss for people she cared about and who trusted her to make them better.   
She was finishing the paperwork and filing the report whilst trying to concentrate against the noise of phones ringing and loud conversations in the corridor the rattle of trolleys and buzzing of alarms. 

Suddenly, Simon poked his head around the corner. His blue eyes a distraction momentarily.  
“You’re busy?” He enquired.  
“ Always..what did you want?”  
“I need to rearrange this evening. Max has something….a get together heads of department thing..Difficult to get out of. We could meet up later if you like?”  
Max was interfering with her life yet again. Excluded from that group due to her fall from grace, her plans were yet again controlled by Max Goodwin. Her annoyance was difficult to hide.  
“No problem, I have no life. You enjoy yourself I am sure it will be both enlightening and entertaining! “ she muttered sarcastically.  
Simon sensed her displeasure.  
“So shall I come around later? “he asked.  
“ No, I need to catch up on things. See you tomorrow”

Max caught up with Simon later that morning. It gave Simon the opportunity to explain that Helen seemed peeved at the lack of notice in cancelling their plans.  
Max was dismissive  
“Nah she will be fine, she is a sport”  
It was only later he remembered his talk with Iggy and gave an involuntary shudder.

Friday evening started off in a fairly civilised manner but then those who had clocked off for the weekend decided to let their hair down. . Alice was looking after Luna so even Max was indulging in a can or three and soon he worked his way through the crowded and very noisy bar and sat down next to Simon Iggy and Martin in a quieter booth at the back of the long dark room. A variety of staff were crowded against the bar drinking shots and several were attempting to dance on a small and very crowded dance floor.  
Simon was on his third or fourth cocktail and his mood was excitable and verbose.  
“Max! Join us! I am explaining the rules of cricket to these fine fellows!”  
He had drawn a diagram on a serviette and much as Iggy and Martin feigned interest they really did not have a clue what he was talking about. After ten minutes or so the couple got up and decided to mingle on the dance floor with the others.  
“ You have a great bunch of people Max. No doubt. It is only their inability to understand the greatest game in the world that prevents them from being exceptional.”  
‘Humour him’ Max thought.  
He smiled and shook his head. “I can’t disagree Simon..they are the best”   
..”and very protective of you Max. That must be rewarding. Helen says …”  
Impatience took Max over.  
“I know what Helen would say Simon..and what she would think” Max stared at the other man. His tone was forceful but not threatening. “I know Helen”.   
Simon looked surprised.  
“Really Max? I wonder if that’s true.?.”   
Max said nothing but looked down into his drink. Three beers in and he was in no mood to be patronised.  
Simon continued.  
“ I mean, she knows everything about you Max. She is so loyal and caring... She will drop everything to accommodate you. If you don’t mind me saying she allows herself to be manipulated by…”  
“Hold on” Max interrupted but the Englishman continued.  
“Manipulated by your charm and your popularity. But I wonder Max…What do you   
know about her dreams and desires. When did you last ask her what she wants?”  
Max gritted his teeth.  
“She knows what I think of her, how much I admire her. She know I am there to help when she needs me.”  
“And have you helped Max? Have you made the same sacrifices for her as she has for you?”  
“Sacrifices? I don’t understand.”  
“It is not for me to say Max other than there are very few doctors who would have thrown away half their career for their patient or carried on working for a man who had sat by and allowed her career to be destroyed”  
“What are you getting at?”  
“Max we both care about Helen and honestly she deserves a better future that as an ‘ also ran’ medic at New Amsterdam. Working for you Max she has no future and no life .I think I am one person who can offer her both”  
Max’s anger was barely contained. “You seemed to know a lot about a person you haven’t seen in years Simon”.   
He nodded his head. “I know our lives took different paths but I have known Helen for years. I knew her when she was a shy undergraduate, head in a book with no time for play and I watched her grow confident and very very beautiful . Her reputation is second to none and New Amsterdam is taking that from her. She was born to be a doctor Max and a leader. She hasn’t changed. What she has here will never be enough for her. You and your hospital will never make her happy and just because you need her it doesn’t mean she needs you or this hospital. Anywhere else and she could have so much more.”  
The truth of the words stung him.  
“Well thank you for that moment of insightfulness Simon. I will bear it all in mind.”  
“ An interesting theory” rebuffed Max “. Just so you know, Helen has had the opportunity to leave and it was her decision to stay.”  
“Loyalty to you Max. To her colleagues too but the reality of her situation now may mean she is regretting her decision. I think she has now had that reality check. I think she is ready to move on”  
Max was taken aback  
“You know that?? She told you that??”  
“Not in so many words but the thing is Max I believe it and I think soon you will too. Professionally, an offer will come along that will be hard to resist. Personally, well just so you know, I am staking my claim . Now if you excuse me I have some phone calls to make.” Simon finished his glass and he was gone.  
Max appeared dazed as he finished his beer. He congratulated himself for showing restraint since nothing would have satisfied him more than punching Simon’s smile clean off his face. He discarded his empty can and headed for the door.

Chapter Five

Helen was packing up for the evening. It was late and she had changed into her sweats, showered and had just finished a series of stretches when there was a knock at her door.  
“Damn Simon! “ she told him not to come. She made sure the keychain was firmly in place.   
It was Max standing at the other side of the door. He looked forlorn.  
“Do you know what time it is???” He sensed annoyance in her voice as she slid the chain and let him in.  
“Who is looking after Luna Max? It’s gone eleven!”  
“Alice, she stays over sometimes”   
Helen’s voice didn’t waiver. “Well she will be expecting you then won’t she?”

He shrugged his shoulders “I need to ask you something”. He looked pale and serious.  
“Max?”  
“Have I..er, do I take advantage of you Helen? “ he had that not quite sober look on his face  
“Max have you been drinking?”  
“No really I mean it, do you think I use you.. to get my own way I mean.?”  
Helen wasn’t having any of it.  
“Please go Max. There is no point in having this conversation”  
“ OK, but I think there is ..I need to know if you resent it...if you.. er..resent me . It’s important that I know. Because if you do..then I need to change”

“Go home Max”  
He stared at her.  
“Ok..but I need to change because I can’t lose you. Helen. I can’t let somebody take you away from New Amsterdam.”  
“Max you are drunk, go home!,” Helen was beginning to feel uncomfortable. These were questions she didn’t want to be asked.  
“ No I’m not. So listen, your old boyfriend… do I have to worry about him ? Because if I do Helen then you need to tell me. Is he going to take you away from me..from the hospital??”  
Enough.  
“I know what I will tell you. That it is none of your business and you need to leave. Get back to Luna Max, I will catch up with you on Monday.”  
He looked defeated, his questions unanswered in the face of Helen at her most impenetrable .. Perhaps the Englishman had been right..he didn’t really know what she was thinking or how she felt and he had never really considered asking her before. Why did he ever think that he knew her better than anyone else in his life?

Helen was a little shell shocked. What was all that about? She was disturbed that some discussion had obviously taken place which led Max to believe she was considering her future. What had Simon told him? More worryingly what had he in mind? The sooner she found out the better.

There was at least one sore head on the Saturday morning. Max had risen early and he had taken Luna to the park for her morning constitutional. He had a heart full of regrets and a pounding head. Alice made her excuses to leave before breakfast. She was not stupid and recognised Max was preoccupied with more than just dealing with a hangover.  
He sat on a bench pushing Luna back and forth in her buggy, trying to solve the mysteries of the universe. Thoughts of Georgia returned to his mind. In the months since her death he had thought of no one else, but lately he had found the strength to push the sad depressing thoughts of loss away. Now when he drew her to mind it was a more positive experience recalling the early exciting days of their romance and the elation when they found she was pregnant. He watched Luna now sleeping in her pushchair and contemplated her future as well as his own. He had finally decided he didn’t want to bring her up alone. He needed to change.  
Chapter Six

Monday morning was usually chaos. A weekend of admissions to catch up with and that morning presented the first argument of the day before she had even finished her coffee.   
Helen had met Simon at his hotel as normal. He had spent the weekend out of town and had been guarded about his movements. But he had returned looking relaxed and well rested and, Helen thought, rather pleased with himself.  
He kissed her cheek. She didn’t smile.  
“We need to talk” she said as they left the hotel lobby and headed towards New Amsterdam.  
“Indeed we do, I have an interesting proposal for you” Simon grabbed her elbow as they crossed the street. She pulled herself away.  
“ Well whatever it is can wait..what I want to know is what cosy conversation did you have with Max on Friday night?”   
He could sense her lack of amusement.  
“ Laying groundwork my dear. I have a project you may be interested in and I was keen to know what Max’s reaction would be”  
She stopped dead in her tracks.  
“Before you had even discussed it with me!? How dare you Simon!”  
“Helen stop and calm down. I can see you are annoyed right now but it wasn’t like that. I told him I thought he undervalued you and that someone might come along who recognised your true worth and that if they did, potentially, New Amsterdam could lose you. What part of that isn’t true?”  
“And that someone was you I suppose. You hardly know me Simon so don’t fancy yourself. You have a bloody nerve!”  
“It so happens I do know you and others do too and admire you. Helen, I am offering you a job. A great job. Offering it to you here in the middle of the street isn’t really how I saw this going but … I am in a position to offer you your own medical facility, a private healthcare clinic, new buildings, the best equipment and… outrageous salary ..you are interested right?. “  
“Be realistic Simon You work for the bloody NHS! Since when have you been in a position to do that?”  
“Since yesterday actually. I spent the weekend with my new employers. I now work for a major pharmaceutical company. I am to oversee the launch and development of a brand new cancer research centre. I left my old job as of yesterday and today I am offering you a new one. As a medical director.”  
Helen spun round and eyes wide open, she stared at Simon in disbelief.  
“What?? Where?? Wait I’m confused. I haven’t heard of this …” Helen had a millisecond of trying to feign disinterest but her curiosity was sparked.  
“London. You would be going home Helen”.  
The shock had not worn off by the time they reached New Amsterdam.  
Simon hugged her as they parted   
“ You have no idea how much I want you on board with this Helen. Personally and professionally. We would be working closely together. Think about it. Talk to Max if you really have to. I have emailed you a synopsis. No hurry but think about what’s good for you Helen.”  
She made her way to the ward. Her patient rounds were completed with her normal efficiency but she could not shift Simon’s conversation from her mind. She read his email over and over again and then she sat at her desk in some sort of daze.  
She tried to concentrate. It didn’t work. She felt confused and excited but mostly and desperately she wanted to speak to Max. Did he think she knew about this when he visited her the previous evening? Did he think she had betrayed him? Could what Simon had said be true? Did Max take her for granted?  
She needed his opinion and his reassurance. Mostly she needed to know that she was still valued.   
She kept returning to Simon’s email. The offer had intrigued her and the glossy synopsis he had sent her made it seem too good to be true. There were decisions to be made.  
Chapter Seven  
By late afternoon she took a break and sought Max out. Nowhere to be found she left a note with his personal assistant asking that he phone her.  
Several hours later and he had not returned her call. By the time she left the hospital there was still no word from Max! She was feeling annoyed and overwhelmingly hurt. Simon would have told him by now that he was leaving and probably that he had made an offer to Helen. Did she mean so little to him that he wouldn’t want to discuss it? Had he said all he wanted to say that night? Perhaps Simon was right and he didn’t deserve her!

Max was gutted. He had stared at the email Simon had sent him explaining that his plans had changed and he would be leaving without further notice to a new and prestigious position in London. He outlined the offer he had made to Helen. attached had been a copy of the synopsis he had sent her. Max struggled to take it in. How could she possibly refuse? He had talked to Brantley on numerous occasions. The board was adamant that there was no possibility of re promoting Helen . Dr Castro would go berzerk and if she walked her funding went with her. He knew it was true. He was in a corner and he could not get out of it.  
He made his decision. He would not confront Dr Sharpe. She had to come to a decision on her own. But London? How would that work? He would never be able to meet up for coffee or get food or see that beautiful face again with so much distance between them. New Amsterdam would suffer but recover if she left- he would do neither . He knew that. He just didn’t know how to deal with it.  
They met at her favourite wine bar. Lauren Bloom had always been a good friend of Helen’s. She had relied upon her when her problems had overwhelmed her and considered that Helen had saved her life. Quite literally. They rarely found the time to socialise with their various commitments so when Helen asked to meet that evening Lauren Bloom sensed it was important.  
With a glass of wine in her hand Lauren greeted her colleague with a fond hug. “Here, drink this”  
She proffered the glass and topped up her own from a large bottle of Chardonnay.  
“ Well, since we are both old spinsters I don’t suppose we are here to talk about your love life” Lauren observed.  
“Mmm that would be a very short conversation” agreed Helen.”no..it is more complicated than that. I have had a very interesting and lucrative job offer. A dream of an offer. But honestly, It is destroying me”  
Lauren Bloom was fascinated. “Is one bottle of wine going to be enough I wonder?”  
“it’s in London. A good job offer, no, a great job offer and it is everything that I have ever dreamed of… and it terrifies me. Leaving New Amsterdam, leaving my life here, friends and colleagues sucks -but it is something that I thought I always wanted …”  
“Which part scares you the most? “ interrupted Lauren.  
“ Moving away, committing to something which may take up all my energy which won’t allow me to devote anytime to myself, to having a child or establishing a relationship. “  
“ so all of it then?.”  
Helen nodded.   
“And this Simon guy, what’s that all about?”  
Helen laughed  
“ Well I’ve always thought he was a bit of a douche bag but..who know’s? I am not getting any younger. We would be thrown together, working closely.. long hours. Who is to say where that may lead? I know it is what he would want..he always had a thing..”  
“But not reciprocated?”  
“Not really no- but then in time..I may get desperate!” The two women laughed.  
“Well then.” Lauren looked at her friend. She sensed something else was bothering Helen. Something huge eating away at her heart. Lauren decided to jump right in.  
“What does Max say?”  
Helen gripped her wine glass tightly. “ I don’t know. I can’t seem to get hold of him”.  
“Helen, is that what bothers you, what Max thinks?”  
Helen was silent.  
“Look, you have to be honest with yourself. This looked like a golden opportunity until you peeled back the layers and then you find the centre isn’t the prize you thought it was. It will never make you happy Helen because no matter how satisfied you are in your professional life, you will never be satisfied until you achieve your personal dreams-and from what you tell me, this doesn’t cut it. Find Max ask him what he thinks and take it from there”  
Helen finished her drink.  
“And what if he says take it?.”  
Lauren Bloom sighed. “ Then you have to deal with it and that’s what I think you are really afraid of”.

Chapter Eight

It was late when Helen knocked on Max’s door. She gave it the faintest of taps scared as she was to wake Luna and half hoping he wouldn’t hear and she could turn and run. She hoped that it was just the two of them. She had yet to meet Alice and did not want to explain why she found herself on Max’s doorstep so late in the evening.  
Max opened the door and almost as if he was expecting her, let her in. He looked tired, as if weighed down with all the worries of the world.  
“ I want to talk to you Max”  
“Ok ”  
Her voice trembled. She struggled to organise her thoughts and tried desperately to keep her composure.  
“I need you to tell me what you think”  
“About Simon? What can I say? He’s a dick.. You could do so much better.”  
Helen huffed at him  
“No games please Max, I know you know about the job”  
“Oh that. Yes. Your boyfriend was kind enough to fill me in. Glossy magazine and all. “  
Helen pleaded with him  
“I need to know what you think Max!”  
He took some steps away from her.  
The truth is Helen “ his voice began to crack” I don’t know what I think..about anything anymore!” He turned to face her and gave her a look that only he could give her. The one that worked its way right into her heart.  
“I had better go...” She began to turn away but Max moved swiftly and grabbed her hand and held on tight.  
“I don’t know what to think because I can’t let myself imagine what my life would be like without you.”  
There, he had said it. It was like closing a wound. He fell silent for a moment. Then almost in a whisper he said.  
“You deserve this job Helen and if you take it, it will kill me. “  
She knew what she had to say.  
“It would kill me too Max.”  
She looked up and was shocked to see that tears had welled in Max’s eyes.  
“I want to do what is right Helen ..and I haven’t been able to for so long because I needed to forgive myself before I could move on and before I do that I need you to forgive me . For you losing your job, for allowing you to become so important to me even when Georgia was alive and for burdening you with my grief. You deserve this opportunity Helen. You deserve it so much and I know I need to let you go. But I don’t think I can “  
“ What if I said that I don’t want to go?” Her own eyes were now brimming with tears.  
“ I can’t ask you to do that and I won’t ask you to tell me what would make you stay “ Max said  
“Why not?”  
“In case the answer isn’t me”.   
Helen stared at Max and he stared right back. His hand tightened around hers and he slowly drew her closer. He smelt like baby shampoo and Helen closed her eyes and slowly let her head rest on Max’s shoulder.  
“Of course the answer is you Max. It has always been you.”

.


End file.
